Me & My World

you know just about me, what I do and see…

Archive for August 2008

It’s been a while…a long while.

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It’s amazing that after 10 months, I can just have the urge and the “time” to sit and write something.  Mostly for myself, but technically for anyone since i’m posting it free for the world to read.

It’s always been nights like tonight that I feel like writing and “unloading” my feelings.  Nights spent sitting at home alone watching sappy girly movies and reflecting on things that “I should have done” “should have been”.  I shouldn’t complain, I don’t and really haven’t ever had a “good” reason too. 

On paper my life probably seems pretty good.  Supervisor at a very respectable downtown Toronto Advertising Agency, winner of the 2007 rising star award.  Loving – incredibly loving family! A very dedicated and passionate boyfriend and a decent apartment that I can afford that is bigger then a any decently priced condo in the city.   I have a few very amazing friends who i’m very blessed to have in my life.  And a mulitude of other friends who think i’m not so bad.

Yet I sit here alone (Paul has gone up north to his brothers stag) and think “I should have done more”, I could be better.  I could be nicer and I could work harder and I could be so much more.  Yet I only ever think it, I never act upon it.  And realistically I’ll write this, get my thoughts out, cry a bunch and go to bed tonight and wake up and still not do anything about it.  This is where I should jump in and say – but not this time, this time i’m going to make a difference, this time i’m going to start changing my life, and be happy and do better.  But I’m not, I’m not going to say it and pretend, cause I know i’ll fail. I can’t change my life, not in a day, not in a month and not even in a year.

Eventually everything will work itself out and what its suppose to be it will be.  Thats just the way life is I suppose.  We could all do better, or be better, some of us will try harder then others, some don’t have to try at all.  I should write more, it calms me down i think.  Perhaps with a new lap top i’ll find the time. 

For now, an update in pictures (cause gosh knows i’m long winded!) of just a few of the things i’ve been up to in the last few months (definitely not since October – its been a world-wind thats for sure.  Hopefully i’ll keep up with everything and post more and read more and be better.  Perhaps there is hope.


Written by traceylavender

August 24, 2008 at 12:20 am

Posted in Uncategorized