Me & My World

you know just about me, what I do and see…

the inevitable truth of facebook

with 2 comments

So I discovered three things while sitting randomly searching facebook for the 100th time today:

  1. The more time I spend searching through it, the more amazed I am at just how many people are really connected through this site and how you can re-connect with people you haven’t seen in years.
  2. The more addicted I become to finding out about people that I a) haven’t seen in years, b) just saw yesterday c) saw 5 minutes ago or d) barely know. And even though I know this is out of control and I could very well be considered under the borderline stalker category, I continue to check and update/refresh my screen every 5 minutes.
  3. The more depressed discouraged I become realizing that i’ve lost touch with so many people over the years, and then realizing that they’ve either accomplished so much more, have so much more or as it appears on the outside – seem to be way more happier then I seem to be.

Now, I can’t really complain, things in my life aren’t awful or horrible.  I’m healthy, I have the best family ever who are always supportive of the decisions I make – even if they are the wrong ones.  I have always been blessed with a roof over my head, enough food for my belly and clothes to keep me warm.  Yet I feel unfulfilled in many ways, which made me start to think of the things i’ve accomplished since high school (hoping this would make me feel better) so…since high school I have:

  • moved away from home and been on my “own” for almost 7 years 
  • paid my way through College including rent, books, tution, transportation, food, general living expenses (includes booze and dancing) 
  • started (twice) and finished College (once)
  • had 2 serious relationships, Tom – who I lived with for almost 4 years and learned a lot about myself and what I want from a life long realationship and Paul – who i’m with now, who I’m constantly learning from and discovering that love can be everything you’ve ever hoped for
  • successfully got a job in my industry (twice)
  • have been at my current job for over 3 years, and although I don’t love it, and have loads of room for improvement, have proven myself to my superiors so much that when I decided to leave, they begged me to stay 
  • paid off a portion of my OSAP loan
  • have been nominated as a “media rising star” for 2007

I haven’t had the chance to travel anywhere and when I see/hear about everyone else’s adventures and pictures from around the world my heart aches a bit that I might never have the opportunity/chance to experence that.  Being a small town girl at heart, I long for being with a true love, getting married, having a house filled with love, laughter, kids and home cooking.  I see my friends and family, growing up and getting married, and starting families of their own and I wish I was in the same spot as them.  I see myself growing apart from some people and it hurts and yet getting closer to others which makes me feel all warm inside.

Deep down I know i’m not ready for any of that stuff yet, and that in time it will all happen as it’s suppose to, but sometimes looking at everyone else so happy, clouds my judgement, makes the future look fuzzy, and gets me down in the dumps on a lonely monday night. 😦

 *ps – its taken me almost 2 hours to write this, since i stopped to check facebook at least 5 times while writing – Sad … Very Sad**


Written by traceylavender

April 2, 2007 at 10:12 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

2 Responses

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  1. Hey Trace,
    I totally get where you’re at.

    When I listed what I’ve been up to for the last 7 years on the LDSS Class of 2000 group I felt sorta like a bit let down to myself.

    Back at commencement I thought at the 10 year reunion that I’d be this amazing Day Care Teacher and married with kids etc…. And a lot of the time I really wish that I would’ve gone through for business or something and travelled like Mel.

    I mean I shouldn’t complain because people have it worse but I feel down and disappointed in myself every now and again too.

    I just want you to know that I’m really proud of you. You are out in the “BIG CITY” on your own (sorta, I’m so glad you have Paul now cuz you deserve to be happy ) and being strong and independent. As much as your job takes over your life, you are a dedicated employee and it’s no wonder they didn’t want to let you go.
    Most importantly you are the best friend anyone could ask for. No matter if we go 5 minutes or 5 weeks without talking I know you’re always there when I need you and vice versa.
    We’ll never have that “whatever happened to her” moment with each other.

    Anyways, I saw your link to this on facebook (ya i’m addicted too!) and wanted to let you know that I’m thinking of you and that I miss you a lot.
    Can’t wait to talk to you and hopefully see you soon!

    Love you!


    April 2, 2007 at 10:40 pm

  2. awesome!

    Alex H

    August 15, 2007 at 12:41 pm

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